STICKY NOTES™ (mmviii) by Joey Bargsten

21 Collect people, mix and match them, breed them. Enjoy all the various smells and emotions!

9 Recall a Lost or Broken Idea, Give it room to swell and fill, Make It New, Make It Grow.

41 Remove all cluttered and busy elements from your life. Engineer vast swatches of empty space and time to define/help define, articulate your new life and expansiveness.

39 Seven people on this planet are completely, totally identical to you. Find them, and choke them.

56 Be petty. Be extremely small, and small-minded and self-limiting. Revel in your own insignificance. It must be pretty neat to eat fancy seafood all the time, or to walk around in those shoes.

60 Be a zombie. Not everyone is meant to be a star, so don't even try. Be a zombie, a quirky, interesting zombie!

44 Act like the person you've always wanted to be. Become that person.

16 Engineer your exit (eventually) from this planet. Don't hafta actually exit, at this point. Just plan a possible escape route or exit strategy.

61 Go to Ancient Greece. Not just Greece, Ancient Greece. Go there before everything fell apart, before it all crumbled. In fact, it can crumble under your feet as you walk over the, I don't know what they are, steps on those coliseum things. They crumble and you walk into a Japanese tea house in Ancient Greece where everyone wears unpolished porcelain masks, whites and reds and blacks and golds. You talk, in the tea house, to an old friend. You sit with him and talk and have tea. He's older now, so are you. You leave Ancient Greece just as it starts collapsing from an impressive earthquake. You leave, with members of a young rock band, through a different door than the one you came in through.

24 Create the language of planarians. It would be a fairly restrained language, I bet. Not a vast expressive range.

77 Figure out the framing of digital artifacts, i.e., how they are framed, and how you extend the edges of the frame to determine fringe phenomena. The frame includes the usual things like technology or market or perception; the extended lines would represent stuff like body art, death of industry, popular forms of petty crimes, artificial life forms, whatever. You'd need to work this out so it makes more sense, otherwise, the mad will embrace you. This maybe isn't included in the book of things you can do; it's not for everybody.

77b Ok, Now, you're where you are. You can do stuff with that!

38 Listen carefully for the approaching footfalls of deth! Just be semi-brave when they turn toward you (or else, there's always beer, chocolate, and self-mutilation).

25 Sleep. Dream. Wake up. Make coffee. Go to work. Have lunch. Work during the afternoon, might nap if work's boring and you can get away with it. I just move my mouse very, very slowly. Leave work; go home. Eat supper, watch TV or read something, or beat your wife or kids. Go to sleep; start the whole damn cycle again.

49 Make your life extremely exciting by always eating hot spicy food.

15 Make a bug, a metallic bug with a human face! This bug is called the "Demented Bug", and it comes to us from the amazingly influential (but completely fictitious) film from 1972 called "Demented". It features young men bonding over much like "white dream" or "white magic", an equally fictitious set of white basketball players from the era. (This is not in the spirit of "white supremacy" or anything like that, except maybe in its own naïve 1972 way.) In an attic you are naked and standing beside a set of four tables arranged to form a square with a center open area. The tabletops are mirrors covered with sawdust. The Demented Bug walks around the mirrors and looks into them and sees the future. As you leave the attic, you see "Joe", who is about 20 and he morphs between all the races and hairstyles on the earth. He morphs all the time. You ask him if he'd be interested in teaching you DJ turntable techniques. He just looks at you, says nothing.

92 (sung) Recreate the self-indulgent, pretentious art of the 1980’s (which nobody remembers anyway), like this one:

18 Dress up in mudstained clerical robes, dark glasses, and synthetic wigs in electric colors. Speak bad French, reek of formic acid (the smell that rises from crushed ants).

7 Become a Dolphin. First, think as they do. Then, find someone who has already become a dolphin to guide you further. Practice. Practice more. Then, finally, become a dolphin.

51 Execute a series of rather well-crafted imitations of greatness.

52 Conceptualize some rather obscure & crackpot idea that becomes the foundation for some vitally essential aspect of future culture, forty years from now, or fifty.

53 Reproduce yourself sexually (half of your genetic information will be used). For greater accuracy of reproduction, clone yourself.

33 Live on the moon. If you can't get there, remake your home into the moon. Moon, moon, moon.

57 Tell the heartwarming story of Peach Head, the Cat, which is really only the head of a cat, but still it's alive, and rolls around, and eats and mews. We're never really told about the other end of Peach Head's digestive track. Peach Head could also talk, or save children from disaster, or do some low-level magic or programming, like it's an idiot savant living cat-head. Peach Head could also have Tourette's syndrome, which would flesh out his character a little more.

48 Don't do that thing, that dark thing we don't talk about that makes you so ashamed and so secretly thrilled! Just don't do it! (But, of course, you do it. Repeatedly.)

58 If your memory is cluttered by renegade thoughts of what could have been if you had only been more this or that, or if you had only been there instead of here, or if you had spent your money in manner "b" instead of manner "a", then construct a ritual where your various decision trees of regret are chopped down, ground up, turned into pulp or mulch, and pressed, finally into the paper upon which you write your current resolve. Or just get drunk about this from time to time, until your liver protests.

1 Devise an Elegant Scheme of Numbers. Make it infinitely suggestive, and scrupulously unrevealing of its inner nature.

12 Create your own religion. Synthesize portions of other belief systems into it; borrow core principles from other religions that are contradictory to each other and make it all work! Allow for versions of your religion to operate in a range from extreme orthodoxy to mysticism.

86 You discover you have Experience Deficit Disorder: You look back on your life and notice it's been mostly an adolescent's grab at power, accomplishment, approval, and retribution. You've made nothing genuine or instantly recognized as meaningful and deep. You have no connection on any level to anyone else. All shallowness! You look ahead of you–no future!. You look behind–no past! Be a pathetic, pitiful being in a meaningless world without a future or past, surrounded by idiots. Can you do that? Good.

67 Everything you wanted to do (or be) is suddenly, simply impossible. What do you do? Who do you become?

79 Devise the alien tests, then take them. These are the tests aliens give you after you've been captured or abducted; they measure intelligence, motor and language skills, social skills, sexual endurance, physical and psychological defects. They're always given with lots of other humans, usually by humans (attractive young women with short blond hair, dark-rimmed glasses and aluminum suits. They're given in the alien language, which sounds like ancient Irish, but uses like a highly stylized and compressed techno alphabet. You get lots of points for associating, say, "Brahms" with "beef boullion" on your test, and although the instructions for individual components are sometimes hard to hear, there will come a point when you realize you don't have to take all of the test, which is also part of the test. You get lots of points for that, too, but then you also hafta help the boy with the broken collarbone with his test.

68 Somebody kills you. You die.

69 Let your organ systems fail. Begin the process of decay. Begin replacing your living flesh with cold, dead, rotting tissue. Turn to dust!

4 Detail The Archeology of The Winged Man. Who were they? When did they live and how did they die? Are there still Winged Men among us, cloaking their wings under jackets and raincoats, deflecting inquiry through fierce glances?

83a Make a pleasure table. This is a table people sit around, like, for a boring meeting or whatever. So, after a certain, amount of time, the time to pleasure the table has come, So they click a button and the table morphs into this fleshy, slimy landscape with protrusions, folds, orifices, and hair. The people of the meeting can touch, rub, fondle, lick, suck, and violate the table in various ways. There are multiple protrusions, folds, and involusions that only approximate human geography. Proceed, once you've (morphed) the table to (83b) pleasurize the pleasure table! Everyone both pleasurizes, and receives pleasure from the pleasure table! No more dull planning meetings!

84 It's not your doing, but you're at a dinner party where a famous fascist dictator is the guest of honor. (You are a woman nearing 60, and valued for your administrative expertise) You briefly turn your back on the guest, and vomit blueberry compote onto a lovely plain white porcelain plate. You spoon this onto his plate, and he eats it with delight and admiration.

(footnote: SkyRon (near the end of his Danz Ovduh Sevun Fails): “I’m TARD, but I’ve discovered FAR.”)